What is a conflict

Often times life looks like the person lying in the snow with one ski hanging in free air. Hence, let us take a tiny ski lesson.

Standing still on the ground, look at the feet. Where do the two feet point? It is only possible to move one meter or so forward, when the feet are pointing like in the picture below:

Because with each step, the track will open and the legs separate and move further from each other, hence you are most likely going to repeate the previous disasters.

First when you know how to controll the skies, first when they follow the same track like here:

then first it is possible to succed and gain speed!

What is a conflict? An incompatibility, as of two things that cannot be simultaneously fulfilled.

Speaking of conflicts, we often say: someone is caught up in a conflict! Witch may be correct. Nevertheless, adults are able to get out of most conflicts right away using some few easy to understand rules.

Not so with the infants. They have little room for negotiations. They are hardly in a position to leave their mother, no matter how insane she is.

A child relies wholly on the mother and cannot possibly survive without her. Unconsciously it know this. Therefore he has to accept what ever she does as good. Realizing that the mother is not capable of doing good, to the child it would pretty much be synonymous with suiside.

There is another very important side to it. The child is born into this earthal experience with little clue as to how to deal with the matters here. Without the parents it has no idea how to grow food and what to eat, how to make clothing and dress himself against wind and rain, how to shelter his family against heavy winterstroms and build a just society. Everything has to be learned; and by whom? The parents of course. They are first priority, they lived here on earth, as the child was born. They have obviously survived so far. everything confirms the child´s hardwired plan to learn, what ever the parents are doing and do as good; or better.

This second reason, why the children do neither object nor question the behaviour of their parents, is the basis for transfer of culture from one generation to another. The parents passes their deeds and sinns on to their offspring.

However, while not every parent is perfect, so are not any action a parent ever did, good. In some respect, it is a matter of culture, what is called good and what is called bad. But for the eternal soul, born in an earthal vehicle, there is little room for deviance.

Every action, be it physical or emotional, can be and is by the infant directly and immediately judged by one simple and crude rule of thumb: Does it inhibit or a thriving life?

Example: Wash your hands!

A woman felt unsuccessful in life. She had problems with self-hatred. In a session we came to the relationship with her father. She had loved her father all her life, and still did. And yet he had contributed substantially to her self-hatred.

Without hesitance she reconnized one experience, that had added to this condition. She was three years of age and was carried be her beloved father. She felt united and safe.

All of a sudden the father realized, that she had recently visited the toilet and had not been able to wash her hands properly. Now the faint odor found it´s way to his nostrils. Immediately he put her down and sent her to the bathroom.

Seen from outside, nothing really important happened. But to this girl the world was endangered. Her own father had rejected her! For her, there could only be one reason: He hated her!

She had no idea as to why. Had she been able to connect the dots and understand, that he simply wanted her to wash her hands, she would have done so and happily jumped in his arms again.

Now, 30 years after, the imprints of this conflict still controlled her behaviour towards men especially, and had led to mishap in relationships and seemingly leaving her without a possibility to find her husbond and erect a happy family.

The feelings, that came up, were for instance:

  • Papa does not like me any more
  • Papa hates me
  • Papa rejects me
  • Papa wants med dead

When these feelings were balanced, she calmed down, and out of nowhere lots of men got attracted to her!